I remember being in the dining room of a school I led when I was a headteacher. I was doing lunch duty, as I did every day. As the last of the year 9s finished up eating, I was busy putting tables away getting the inevitable peas up from the floor (why are there always peas, even on days when peas aren't served?) and I was chatting to our cook. As usual, she produced 'a little something' she had kept to the side for me, and as usual I said 'Ooh lovely, i'll have that later after my breakfast'. Me not eating the right meals at the right time became such a standard in school, that a few staff would joke and ask if i was having ketchup on my overnight oats, or wonder why I didnt just put my breakfast lunch and dinner into one pot! As amusing as this was, I now realise it probably sent out a terrible message to my staff about protecting their life/work blend and self care.
In the hustle of school leadership, it’s easy to become so focused on the endless demands—meetings, policies, safeguarding, accountability measures, KPIs —that we forget to look inward. This is where self-reflection becomes not just a useful tool but a lifeline, especially when supported by leadership coaching.
As anyone who has successfully stepped up from a management role knows, leadership isn’t a straightforward checklist of tasks and accomplishments. It’s about continuously growing, evolving, and realigning with your core values. And that starts with the hard but rewarding work of self-reflection.
Self-Reflection: More Than Just a Moment of Introspection
At its core, self-reflection in leadership isn’t about a fleeting moment of looking back and evaluating successes or missteps. Instead, it’s about a consistent, deeper dive into how your values, actions, and decisions affect your leadership journey.
When I first became a headteacher, I believed being a good leader was about appearing confident and always having the answers. Over time, I realised that being seen as an authentic, connected leader required much more than a confident façade. It meant understanding how my actions and decisions were perceived and how they affected others across the school community. Through coaching, I began to cultivate a practice of self-reflection—pausing to ask, “Why did I make that decision?” or “What message did that send to my staff?”
Coaching brought these questions to the forefront of my leadership journey. My then coach Richard Forde helped me cut through the noise and fog that comes from not being fully connected with my values. He pushed me to not only look at my choices but also to make space for proactive reflection.
And that’s the thing about self-reflection—it’s not about fixing problems in hindsight. It’s about building a stronger future by being present with yourself right now.
The Coaching Mirror: How Self-Reflection Supports Performance Management
One of the areas where self-reflection has the most immediate impact is during the performance management process. School leaders are so often in the position of appraising others, but when it comes to their own performance management, it can feel like a daunting exercise. We’re expected to showcase our successes, outline our development goals, and put ourselves on display to our governors or trustees.
For many leaders—myself included—there’s a certain vulnerability in this process. We are often modest in celebrating our contributions and lack confidence – and practice - in articulating our own professional development needs. Coaching creates a space for leaders to unpack those feelings, challenge them, and then reframe the performance management process not as an ordeal, but as an opportunity.
Leadership coaching encourages self-reflection as a tool to help you gain clarity of thought, so you can better articulate your accomplishments and areas for growth during performance management discussions. When I engaged in this process alongside coaching, I was able to remain connected to my performance management targets in a healthier and more effective way. I also found my relationship with my chair of governors deepening, as I had better explained my ‘Why’ to them. We had clearer shared values, and our work together became more cohesive, resulting in greater alignment between leadership and governance.
For new headteachers, in particular, this is crucial. Performance management often means being appraised by external people for the first time, individuals who do not have hat "unspoken" understanding of the school’s unique challenges and opportunities, because they are not in it every day. Coaching prepares leaders for this by fostering a reflective mindset, enabling them to present their achievements and challenges with confidence and authenticity.
Why Self-Reflection Matters for School Culture
Self-reflection isn’t just beneficial for the individual leader—it ripples out and positively impacts the entire school community. Reflective leaders tend to create school cultures that celebrate progress and value honesty, accountability, and continuous growth. And when a leader demonstrates the practice of reflection, it becomes a shared value that influences the way the school staff interact with each other, the pupils, and even the wider community.
One of the most powerful things I experienced as a headteacher was the shift in staff morale and student behavior when I made the conscious decision to lead by example in self-reflection. Staff meetings were no longer just about logistics; they became an opportunity to reflect on how we, as a team, could better serve our students and each other.
For instance, I once implemented a 10-question anonymous 360-degree survey, sent to staff every month. It became my temperature gauge for understanding how my leadership was affecting staff well-being and school culture. This simple act of reflection, involving staff at all levels, didn’t just provide me with valuable insights—it created a culture where staff felt heard, validated, and invested in the school’s direction. Through this ongoing reflection and feedback loop, we built stronger relationships, tackled challenges together, and celebrated successes as a unified team.
Moving From Reactive to Proactive Leadership
A lot of school leaders I work with start out feeling like they’re constantly in firefighting mode—putting out one crisis after another. Self-reflection, especially when guided through coaching, helps leaders shift from a reactive mindset to a proactive, strategic one. When you pause and take stock of your values, your strengths, and your areas for growth, you’re better equipped to anticipate challenges and make thoughtful, informed decisions. Reaction becomes Response, which forms the foundation for open dialogue and innovation.
This doesn’t mean self-reflection will prevent every crisis, but it does create space for leaders to be more present, intentional, and aligned with their long-term vision. And when school leaders are intentional, it trickles down to staff, creating a culture of purposeful, thoughtful practice that benefits the entire school community.
Self-Reflection and Emotional Resilience
Finally, self-reflection is key to building emotional resilience. We’re human. We make mistakes, we get overwhelmed, and we lose our way sometimes. True self-reflection doesnt leave yu with guilt or shame, it helps you pick yourself back up, learn from the experience, and move forward stronger. It’s an essential part of maintaining your well-being as a leader.
I’ve been there. During my early headship years, I experienced moments when I lost sight of the sincerity, curiosity, and joy that fuel my authentic self. But through coaching and the practice of self-reflection, I found my way back. I realigned with my values and became a leader who not only listened to staff but empathised with them in a way that deepened our working relationships.
Conclusion: The Real Deal on Self-Reflection
In leadership coaching, self-reflection is the real deal. It’s not just an exercise in personal development—it’s a critical component of effective leadership that ripples out to affect your entire school community. Whether it’s performance management, school culture, or emotional resilience, self-reflection helps you lead with authenticity, clarity, and purpose.
So, if you find yourself constantly reacting to the latest crisis or struggling to articulate your accomplishments and development needs, maybe it’s time to pause and reflect. Not just on your work, but on the values and beliefs that guide you as a leader. Coaching provides the space to do this, allowing you to show up as your most authentic self and lead with purpose, confidence, and connection.
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