I got kicked out of a group on a social media platform today, and I couldn’t be happier with myself!
As a leadership coach I know and appreciate the power of connection. As such, when I first set up my business, I joined a number of coaching-related groups across several social media platforms. Like with all these things, the focus and quality of the groups turned out to vary wildly, and it quickly became apparent which were more active, which were more insightful, and which I was more likely to contribute to. I didn’t leave any of the ones I realised weren’t for me ‘just in case’.
One group in particular was a frustrating mix of people genuinely seeking support on their coaching journey, and people who were there for the hard sell of their 'sign up for the meagre price of a tenner for the year and i will show you how to earn £74 Billion in a week'* Those who were asking what felt like genuine questions were getting answers and insight, but over time these responses became less and less frequent. I still didn’t leave ‘just in case’
I stuck with it until this morning, when I answered one of the 'Do you want to know how to win high-ticket clients and be paid £14K a month?' posts as follows…. 'No. I want to use my skills as a coach to build meaningful connections with leaders seeking help, so that I can facilitate their journey to happiness ,fulfilment and success, however they frame it. I am becoming increasingly disturbed by the number of charlatans and snake oil salespeople that seem to see coaching as nothing but an opportunity to exploit others financially'.
I was blocked form the group within minutes of posting. 😆
Now why is this worthy of note, let alone worthy of celebration? One word; Authenticity.
I have coached countless of new and aspiring leaders to lead authentically during my career, and I've been considering the general question of the authentic self and how authenticity impacts the work environment recently. Business psychologist and coach Melanie Matthews ( http://howtobe.work/ ) gave a really insightful presentation on it at the In Good Company coaching summit I attended last week). In leaving education leadership to become a full leadership coach and education consultant, I have recently been reflecting more specifically on my 28 years in education - 21 of which as a headteacher - and how to measure and articulate my success during those years. . . .And I have come to the horrible realisation that in spite of being very successful as an SEN Specialist and head teacher, I don’t think I had a week of being my authentic self in those whole 28 years, 'just in case'. And I’ll tell you why.
Growing up a working-class black female in the 70’s and 80’s, I was given the message loud and clear by my teachers, my television and even by my own parents that getting on meant ‘fitting in’. It meant making myself as acceptable to decision-makers and ‘The Establishment’ as possible. It meant taking the ‘bass’ out of my voice, removing the ‘distraction’ of ‘exotic’ hairstyles. It meant smiling politely at every crass, racist and sexist quip given out by my colleagues and 'superiors' (Hello Intersectionaliity!) It meant not rising to the bait when being told I ‘speak so well’ or getting snapped at by a hapless boss that ‘The trouble with you Maureen, is you always have an answer when I ask you a question’…Just in case. Just in case the person with the power had bigoted views, or the audience I was hoping to persuade could not see past their own stereotypical view of what someone sitting in my chair should look or sound like. Just in case people didnt like me.. Just in case. And all the above to be done whilst simultaneously amassing enough qualifications, promotions and plaudits that eventually people stopped adding the ‘What are your views on positive discrimination?’ question to interviews I attended.
I endured and succeeded in reaching the top of the ladder in teaching because I have a quick and enquiring mind, a passion for SEN, a strong work ethic and I knew I needed to be visible and stay in the leadership mix, so that the generation of marginalised educators coming up saw they didn’t have to spend their careers as the ‘only ones’. I also knew I was doing the whole thing whilst ‘masking’.
Masking – supressing your natural emotional response in social and ‘professional’ situations - may get you where you want to be, it may get you out of the situation you don’t want to be in; it certainly means some people find it more comfortable to be around you, and are more likely to agree with what you are saying/asking; but what I have come to learn is that mask your authentic self for too long and eventually it can lead to stress, burnout, disillusionment, implosion (or explosion!) or in my case an absolute need to move on from where i was, and to seek career fulfilment in ways that cannot be measured by a wage slip**
So I have decided with this career change, to get to know - and fully embrace - my authentic me. This morning, authentic me read the latest in a long line of ethically questionable claims being made in this ‘coaching’ group, and instead of rolling my eyes, feeling annoyed at how stupid these people clearly think I am, and some sorrow for the number of people being driven by naivety/desperation to be responding ‘interested’ in the comments section, and I decided to do what I have often had the urge to do, but seldom have whilst operatingin my professional capacity 'just in case' and I called them out on their bull.
Yes I got blocked. Yes it was a nothing post in a group with only limited reach, but to me it was so much more. It was me working whilst being in my authentic space, knowing my viewpoint was a reflection of my moral purpose, and taking the opportunity to express my own motivations for doing this wonderful work, whilst challenging unethical practice. And it felt wonderful.
So here’s to growth, to a more authentic work me, and to (probably) many more blockings!
*Massive exaggeration, but you get my drift
**Don’t get me wrong though, I really do like being paid!
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